Is this the end?

After 7 long but wonderful years, touching many lives, my tenure at this workplace draws to a close as I am moved to a place which hopefully will appreciate my services and expertise.

It is indeed hard to say goodbye, especially when we are mentally unprepared to leave. A myriad of emotions run through my head every time I stop to catch a breath, every time there is a quiet lull and a tear will fill my heart.

People ask why this is happening. I too have asked the same question. The only answer that come is the fact that I can do good wherever I go. God's hand is there to guide me. So I relent and accept. I do not fight. That has always been the case from day one of my career. I ask, He gives. And there has never been a mistake yet.

Through this episode, I have learnt that many people care for me. I have found out things about myself I never realised. I have noticed that professionally, I am accepted and been told that I  am and easy and cool 'boss' to work with. Yet there are friends who cannot bring themselves to say more than goodbye. Sigh!

My fears:

• Will I fit in?
• Will I have friends?
• Do I remember how to teach boys?
• How will I survive without my friends?
• Will I lose touch with my friends?

My blessings:

• I have confirmed the friends I hold dear.
• My students do treasure me.
• I do not have to super perform anymore.
• I don't have a panel to LORD over anymore. 
• I can be ordinary again.

My hopes:

• I will have more time for my family.
• I will have a lesser workload(administrative).
• The pressures of performance decreases.
• I will get to enjoy pure teaching again.
• I will be able to breathe again.

Sighs and wonder fill my mind. There are a million questions with no answers at hand. And yet I have faith He will look after me. 

I envy my friends, the ones I leave behind, because they still have each other. I on the other hand will be alone. Who is there to hold my hand? Who do I turn to when I am afraid? Who will laugh with me? Or cry with me? Or understand me?

I know am strong. I know I can do it. And most importantly, I know I will survive. 

Why?

Because I love teaching. I love the fact that for 40 mins or so, the 40 students are all mine. To inspire, to excite, to challenge and to love.

So it is not the end but a new beginning.