Baby steps..
I woke early after a night of nervous sleep. Hoping I'd find the place. Praying I wouldn't be late. Wishing I would fit in. Coffee didn't taste the same. No one saw me out the door. Apprehensive, I drove off.
I got there with ample spare time. I drove around, found 2 shortcuts and parked in an open space, wondering what to do next. Being new is hard. Lonely. Scary.
After 10mins, people drove in and I felt awkward sitting in the car, anti-social. So I got out and walked to the office. Couldn't thumb in as I was new but there was nowhere to sign in. Disappointed, I walked away.
Friends greeted each other with ease. Catching up after 2 months, they joked and laughed, widening the gap. It didn't feel right to intrude. So I sat by myself, not wanting to stare, I looked the other way, trying to calm myself. Strange. Does everyone go through this?
Suddenly the noise subsides, and the ladies have disappeared. A man walks past and we pick up a conversation, only to find out he's new too.Then a senior arrives and says hello, to direct me to where the ladies have adjourned - to pick up the essential books and guides.On the way, I see a few friendly faces. Smiles are exchanged and most try to peer at my name tag. Don't think they can pronounce it though.
After picking up the stuff, I walk off to the walkway where everyone is congregated to check up on the responsibilities expected of me. Page by page, I scan for my name, my smile growing wider as I hardly see it anywhere. More smiles and a few come by to say hello. Mostly senior teachers. Surprised about my transfer but discreet enough not to ask.
Someone leads the pack and we wander off guided by invisible sheepdogs. The journey ends at a doorway. The door scratches my arm as if to say 'orientation'. I find myself a seat and move towards the wall, leaving space for others. The friendly face from before sits with me but her attention is drawn away by other friends. The mic is tested followed by a prayer. Then the BOSS speaks without the mic and everyone seems to be paying attention. As I look around, it is but an illusion. She drones on, alone, and unfriendly. Not a very convincing orator.
The second speaker is much better, not ear-piercing she jars me awake by asking the newbies to proffer a brief introduction. I am second in line and asked to rectify the pronunciation of my name. Typical. And then I speak - in English and everyone gives me the eye as if to say 'How brave'. Unperturbed, I carry on and say that I am from Sri Aman and eyes widen. The rest is a blur.
I guess I will know more by tomorrow.
Overall, it was an interesting experience but one I would not like to repeat in the near future.
Goals to be achieved, find a nest to settle in and learn how to be a class teacher again.
I got there with ample spare time. I drove around, found 2 shortcuts and parked in an open space, wondering what to do next. Being new is hard. Lonely. Scary.
After 10mins, people drove in and I felt awkward sitting in the car, anti-social. So I got out and walked to the office. Couldn't thumb in as I was new but there was nowhere to sign in. Disappointed, I walked away.
Friends greeted each other with ease. Catching up after 2 months, they joked and laughed, widening the gap. It didn't feel right to intrude. So I sat by myself, not wanting to stare, I looked the other way, trying to calm myself. Strange. Does everyone go through this?
Suddenly the noise subsides, and the ladies have disappeared. A man walks past and we pick up a conversation, only to find out he's new too.Then a senior arrives and says hello, to direct me to where the ladies have adjourned - to pick up the essential books and guides.On the way, I see a few friendly faces. Smiles are exchanged and most try to peer at my name tag. Don't think they can pronounce it though.
After picking up the stuff, I walk off to the walkway where everyone is congregated to check up on the responsibilities expected of me. Page by page, I scan for my name, my smile growing wider as I hardly see it anywhere. More smiles and a few come by to say hello. Mostly senior teachers. Surprised about my transfer but discreet enough not to ask.
Someone leads the pack and we wander off guided by invisible sheepdogs. The journey ends at a doorway. The door scratches my arm as if to say 'orientation'. I find myself a seat and move towards the wall, leaving space for others. The friendly face from before sits with me but her attention is drawn away by other friends. The mic is tested followed by a prayer. Then the BOSS speaks without the mic and everyone seems to be paying attention. As I look around, it is but an illusion. She drones on, alone, and unfriendly. Not a very convincing orator.
The second speaker is much better, not ear-piercing she jars me awake by asking the newbies to proffer a brief introduction. I am second in line and asked to rectify the pronunciation of my name. Typical. And then I speak - in English and everyone gives me the eye as if to say 'How brave'. Unperturbed, I carry on and say that I am from Sri Aman and eyes widen. The rest is a blur.
I guess I will know more by tomorrow.
Overall, it was an interesting experience but one I would not like to repeat in the near future.
Goals to be achieved, find a nest to settle in and learn how to be a class teacher again.
happy new year, teacher (: (: they say the beginning is always hardest so hang in there(!) also, new starts can be good. the best part is finding yourself pleasantly surprised. wherever you are and whatever it is you're facing, i do hope you'll remember to find happiness. it is ever present, if only one remembers to look ♥
ReplyDeleteBIG HUG! xo, melissa ng. ( a sri aman alum )
Thanks Melissa. I treasure good advice!
ReplyDelete