Question?

A lot has happened from friday till now.

I have no intention of discussing friday's incidences but rather about my personal reactions.

I have been a Christian since 1991. God is my personal saviour and I have no qualms letting my friends and acquaintances know this fact.

And I have gone on evangelistic camps, prayed with total strangers and even been hurled insults for my beliefs. This was when I was single and carefree. I have always regarded these as part of the challenges of my calling. For through trials and tribulations do we champion His cause.

Life has been comfortable for me and being in Malaysia has made me complacent. Now I have been married almost 15 years and have three school-going children.

So Friday jolted me out of my comfort zone. My first priority was the safety of my family. Ikept my children home, in the nest of safety. I trusted that my actions were not one of panic but of rational thinking. And I realised that prayer was important to help us through Friday.

Then came Saturday, a day when people of all races and religions came forward in peace to make amends and forgive. Sunday came and went too - with no untoward incidences. And all was back to normal.

And yet, today as I listened to a gospel song, the lyrics pricked me again and again.

Here I am Lord,

Is it me Lord?

So where was my willingness to stick out my neck for Him?

Was I being called to defend Him?

Would I have answered Yes, here I am?

Don't get me wrong.

I am speaking on a spiritual level - would I be willing to march in the army of God - now?

Now that I am older?

Now that I have a family who depend on me?

Now that I have a family I am supposed to protect?

This is a war within myself -

between God and I...