Part 2
It has taken me that long to overcome the 'trauma' in order to start with Part 2.
I still don't feel like myself yet and am not quite into the rigmarole of work. Currently feeling detached of everything so much so that I didn't even realise it is exams for the Forms 1,2 & 4 starting tomorrow. Oblivion IS bliss. But I digress.
The wake and funeral took a total of 5 days including the day of my mother-in-law's demise. It WAS traumatic and a spiritual battle all the way as my religious beliefs were constantly tested when asked to handle joss-sticks and Taoist prayer paraphernalia. Of course there were rituals that just had to be done - like wiping my mother-in-laws face with a damp towel, saying things to her like "Please eat" and stuff that I don't believe in. And yet, as the dutiful daughter-in-law, rituals had to be abided by, lest one is looked down upon by the sisters-in-law and sister-out-law.
I am extremely grateful to my understanding husband who stood by me through thick and thin, through the veiled looks thrown my way and through the harsh comments made by relatives and friends far and near. You are my pillar of strength and I treasure you greatly.
Night after night, there was chanting and kneeling and smoke getting into everyone's eyes. And on top of all the grief going around, we still had to be the well-mannered hostesses that is expected of all. It was indeed a difficult task.
The day of the funeral was even more traumatic as we had to kneel for a long time on the tarmac road. We got up with punctured knees and sore leg muscles. The trip to the crematorium was about an hour away and we graciously gave our seats on the bus to visitors hence having to drive ourselves to the venue. Of course, that allowed us some breathing space and privacy to grieve in our own way. As I was a designated driver, I dutifully drove behind the hearse and was about to pick up my family when I was informed that I had forgotten to pick up my father-in-law. Aghast, I turned back to pick him up as he eyed me suspiciously for abandoning him. I maintained that I had not been informed so it was no fault of mine. Anyways, he was in no mood to argue and the rest of the journey to and fro the crematorium was gravely silent with a few snores in between. I guess he was tired out from the sleepless nights and days.
It was indeed sad to see the coffin being unceremoniously pushed into crematorium and the weird thing was family members were allowed to proceed behind to watch the flames engulf the coffin. This I refused to partake but my younger two and my hubby watched - part awe and part sorrow.
I must mention that the undertakers were totally disorganised and did an awful job of disseminating information as we were almost always in the dark about what was happening. Everything was ad hoc and there was a lot of change along the way.
Yet, after all that, we were just grateful that it was the end of the ceremonies.
I had never been happier to come home to my own place, my home and sanctuary. At least I have my own bathroom and need not share it with 40 other people.
I do pray for my mother-in-law's soul that it will find peace and rest for suffer, she did.
And my family and I will truly miss her.
I still don't feel like myself yet and am not quite into the rigmarole of work. Currently feeling detached of everything so much so that I didn't even realise it is exams for the Forms 1,2 & 4 starting tomorrow. Oblivion IS bliss. But I digress.
The wake and funeral took a total of 5 days including the day of my mother-in-law's demise. It WAS traumatic and a spiritual battle all the way as my religious beliefs were constantly tested when asked to handle joss-sticks and Taoist prayer paraphernalia. Of course there were rituals that just had to be done - like wiping my mother-in-laws face with a damp towel, saying things to her like "Please eat" and stuff that I don't believe in. And yet, as the dutiful daughter-in-law, rituals had to be abided by, lest one is looked down upon by the sisters-in-law and sister-out-law.
I am extremely grateful to my understanding husband who stood by me through thick and thin, through the veiled looks thrown my way and through the harsh comments made by relatives and friends far and near. You are my pillar of strength and I treasure you greatly.
Night after night, there was chanting and kneeling and smoke getting into everyone's eyes. And on top of all the grief going around, we still had to be the well-mannered hostesses that is expected of all. It was indeed a difficult task.
The day of the funeral was even more traumatic as we had to kneel for a long time on the tarmac road. We got up with punctured knees and sore leg muscles. The trip to the crematorium was about an hour away and we graciously gave our seats on the bus to visitors hence having to drive ourselves to the venue. Of course, that allowed us some breathing space and privacy to grieve in our own way. As I was a designated driver, I dutifully drove behind the hearse and was about to pick up my family when I was informed that I had forgotten to pick up my father-in-law. Aghast, I turned back to pick him up as he eyed me suspiciously for abandoning him. I maintained that I had not been informed so it was no fault of mine. Anyways, he was in no mood to argue and the rest of the journey to and fro the crematorium was gravely silent with a few snores in between. I guess he was tired out from the sleepless nights and days.
It was indeed sad to see the coffin being unceremoniously pushed into crematorium and the weird thing was family members were allowed to proceed behind to watch the flames engulf the coffin. This I refused to partake but my younger two and my hubby watched - part awe and part sorrow.
I must mention that the undertakers were totally disorganised and did an awful job of disseminating information as we were almost always in the dark about what was happening. Everything was ad hoc and there was a lot of change along the way.
Yet, after all that, we were just grateful that it was the end of the ceremonies.
I had never been happier to come home to my own place, my home and sanctuary. At least I have my own bathroom and need not share it with 40 other people.
I do pray for my mother-in-law's soul that it will find peace and rest for suffer, she did.
And my family and I will truly miss her.
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