Upset..much

I have been extremely upset by two people of late.

The first is on a professional level. Which hurts because I cannot say the things I want to due to a status difference.
If one is the subordinate, it goes without saying (at least to me) that I have to carry out instructions and responsibilities as best as I can. Unfortunately, this is hard to do when you know you are being manipulated and shoved into a corner you just cannot possibly back out of.
To add insult to injury, I am blamed time and again for this person's shortcomings as I have to submit to his/her authority.
I am sad to say, I failed to do this with grace.
Therefore, I shoved back. As hard as I was shoved. Hence, his/her ego was dented.
I stood my ground - but I was upset.

The second on the the other hand is on a more personal level.
This hurts and has been hurting for sometime. I thought she was a friend.
I realise I held her in higher esteem than she has ever held me.
This lack of mutual respect and love (if you can call it that) has led to massive disappointment and betrayal. The hurt is incomprehensible.
Why?
Because I am the type of person who gives a friend the benefit of any doubt in any circumstance.
Because I give not expecting a gift but a measure of friendship, tolerance, selflessness and all other qualities you would expect of a true friend.
Alas, I have to resign myself to the fact that she does not consider me a friend, not in the same way, not on the same level. Everything she does is calculated with precision, measured to the last drop before offering anything in return. She fears hurt. She barricades herself and in doing so releases objects of hurt.
You win.
I am hurt.
I step away, I give up.