Gratitude

You know, it has been a whirlwind of 5 years since I stepped on Cluster soil (ha ha it wasn't cluster then but i digress)

And the last 5 years have been a good mixture of bliss and agony, more former than latter, thankfully.

Bliss because, for the first time after 12 years of teaching, I got students who were actually sponges, soaking in all that i had to teach. Of course, there were students who wanted to learn then but not the majority. And yet it was fulfilling because it was challenging - to help those who can't and won't and didn't see the importance of English in their simple lives. In Sri Aman, the challenges were/are different and yet just as important. Here we hone their skills to excellence. We shape not only the academics but the person and her character. (If you are Sri Amanian, you may disagree but it's ok)

Agony because ... this is hard to describe. Probably because I am unwilling to face up to the challenges personally in my career. I have always maintained that my love is teaching, not in administrative work. And this is where I am challenged. I have been told that I am capable of being Guru Cemerlang, Guru Inovatif, Guru Pakar and whatever. None of these appeal to me in the least.

Why?

I detest paperwork. I do not see the significance of wonderfully laid out plans in black and white but when carried out, it comes to nought. I can write the BEST lesson plan but if my lesson in class is a failure, where students don't learn anything and are disinterested, then I am a failure. So, my focus is on the students. Always has and always will be. A word to those pushing me into a corner, lay off before push comes to shove. If I deserve any of those titles, grant them to me. Don't ask me to apply for them. Thank you.

Back to what inspired me to blog today.

Invigilating PMR has reminded me how capable Sri Amanians are. I have been reminded of how students struggle to form simple sentences, how to read and understand the instructions of the questions that lay before them, to actually form their thoughts into comprehensible words. And it is indeed a struggle. It is sad to see them put off by the test paper and head into snooze land because they can't manage. However, I think it would be such a challenge to help these students because they are eager learners with wonderful humility and manners. They have landed a hook in my heart.

I compare them with Sri Amanians who with the skill and abilities, devour the questions and churn out pages and pages of answers to the bane of those who have to mark.

What a contrast!

It is with gratitude in my heart that I say I am glad to be in Sri Aman.

But as far as challenges go, who knows when I will fidget and seek greener pastures?