Self-discovery
Today was an important day for those who discovered themselves.
We, humans, tend to see what we want to see and when things get rough, the rose-coloured lenses crack and we are forced to see things as they really are.
Delusions and denials are part and parcel of our lives. We need them. As safety nets and life-jackets cos they keep us stable when our world seems shaky. Unfortunately, these delusions and denials when kept over a length of time, can form a wall away from reality.
Over time, I have been told I am capable of a lot, more than I want.
I have been told, I am sensible, a person who has her head screwed on the right way.
I guess I am. But...sometimes I choose not to be. Try hard to be different. Don't conform.
Hence the out-of-this-world jokes and statements that pour forth from my gob.
If you know the real me, you would know it's just talk - cos sensible old me would not do the things I say. Basically, I say them only to throw ppl off my scent or to rile ppl up. But deep down, sense reigns and I am more professional than I portray.
Denial - absolutely.
Another important character trait brought up today is the worry about what ppl think of us. I'd like to think I don't care what ppl think of me, and 90% of the time, this is true. And that has played a role in the stage that I am now in my career. I don't believe in polishing anyone's apple - green or red. I believe in merit. I believe in myself even if others don't. So, YES, I don't care what you think - but I will admit, it's lovely to hear praises, until the cynic in me pops out and doubts every word uttered. Is this due to high self-esteem? I don't think I possess this either but I believe and trust myself cos I have God on my side. Based on my childhood and upbringing, self esteem was not on the family menu.
One thing I do have is independence. I have learnt from an early age to rely on myself, cos others have let me down too often. When you care for others and they let you down, the hurt is immeasurable. Independence equals control. Control gives you power. These are strong traits and yet can be the source of one's downfall. Becos in life, we are inter-dependent. In marriage, there must be independence as well as inter-dependence. Without them both, you cannot be ONE. To unlearn independence is difficult, especially without losing yourself in the equation. Thank God, I have and am still learning to balance these two.
I hope and pray that today's lesson has been a window into self-discovery.
We, humans, tend to see what we want to see and when things get rough, the rose-coloured lenses crack and we are forced to see things as they really are.
Delusions and denials are part and parcel of our lives. We need them. As safety nets and life-jackets cos they keep us stable when our world seems shaky. Unfortunately, these delusions and denials when kept over a length of time, can form a wall away from reality.
Over time, I have been told I am capable of a lot, more than I want.
I have been told, I am sensible, a person who has her head screwed on the right way.
I guess I am. But...sometimes I choose not to be. Try hard to be different. Don't conform.
Hence the out-of-this-world jokes and statements that pour forth from my gob.
If you know the real me, you would know it's just talk - cos sensible old me would not do the things I say. Basically, I say them only to throw ppl off my scent or to rile ppl up. But deep down, sense reigns and I am more professional than I portray.
Denial - absolutely.
Another important character trait brought up today is the worry about what ppl think of us. I'd like to think I don't care what ppl think of me, and 90% of the time, this is true. And that has played a role in the stage that I am now in my career. I don't believe in polishing anyone's apple - green or red. I believe in merit. I believe in myself even if others don't. So, YES, I don't care what you think - but I will admit, it's lovely to hear praises, until the cynic in me pops out and doubts every word uttered. Is this due to high self-esteem? I don't think I possess this either but I believe and trust myself cos I have God on my side. Based on my childhood and upbringing, self esteem was not on the family menu.
One thing I do have is independence. I have learnt from an early age to rely on myself, cos others have let me down too often. When you care for others and they let you down, the hurt is immeasurable. Independence equals control. Control gives you power. These are strong traits and yet can be the source of one's downfall. Becos in life, we are inter-dependent. In marriage, there must be independence as well as inter-dependence. Without them both, you cannot be ONE. To unlearn independence is difficult, especially without losing yourself in the equation. Thank God, I have and am still learning to balance these two.
I hope and pray that today's lesson has been a window into self-discovery.
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